Matter of Perspective

"At Harvard they labeled me a jock.  In the NFL they considered me intellectual." 

(Pat McInally, former NFL player)

A story is told of a husband and wife sitting at a table at the husband's high school reunion.  He keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

The wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," the husband signed, "She's my old girlfriend.  I understand that she took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I hear she hasn't stopped since."

"I can't believe it!" the wife said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Perspective.  We all see things differently.  Even husbands and wives.  Come to think of it . . . especially husbands and wives! 

Anyways, moving on . . .

In his book, "Becoming a Person of Influence", John C. Maxwell tells a story that all of us can learn from, especially those in sales . . . 

"A candy store sold its exotic chocolates only by the pound.  In the store was one particular salesclerk who always had customers lined up waiting while other salesclerks stood around with nothing to do.  The owner of the store noticed how the customers flocked to her and finally asked for her secret. 'It's easy', she said. 'The other girls scoop up more than a pound of candy and then start taking away.  I always scoop up less than a pound and then add to it.  The customers feel that I'm looking out for them and getting them their money's worth.'"

Same result in that the customer gets the same amount of ice cream, however, they leave with different points of view on their experience. 

In "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", Stephen Covey said ...

"If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across.  And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely.  So why does this happen?  Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.  You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc.  You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference.  You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up.  And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating."

We all come from varying backgrounds with different experiences.  We all have our individual opinions.  We all think that we are right (check out "Dead Right" post for my thoughts on this).   If we are to effectively communicate with others, we must understand their viewpoint.  This doesn't mean that they are right and we are wrong.  It also doesn't mean that we will give in to their point of view.  It just allows you to be on equal footing and have a foundational understanding.  

As a basketball coach, I used to say that a player went right or left and expected my players to understand exactly what I meant.  As a coach it seemed obvious.  To most players it was obvious.  However, I soon found out that with a couple of my players it didn't quite compute the same way.  When they were playing defense and an offensive player would "go right", it was really going to the defensive player's left.  Once I realized that a few players were having trouble with this, I began saying it both ways so that nothing was lost in translation.  

Mark McCormack, author of "What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business School, wrote about a story detailing the issue of varying points of view for Entrepeneur magazine . . .

"A few years ago I was standing in a airport ticket line.  In front of me were two children fighting over an ice cream cone.  In front of them was a woman in a mink coat.  I could see this was an accident waiting to happen.  Should I interfere?  I was still pondering this when I heard the girl tell the boy, 'If you don't stop, Charlie, you'll get hairs from that lady's coat on your cone.'"

I am pretty sure that is not how the lady would have seen the situation if she had been aware of it.  Most of us don't look beyond our own experience when dealing with others.  We tend to see other people and events in the context of our own position, background or circumstances.  We project our opinions and feelings onto others.  For examples, I don't like celebrating my birthday or receiving gifts.  If I project this upon others and assume that they also don't like gifts or celebrating, then that can lead to some hurt feelings.

Having a different point of view on things can cause issues.  Consider the following . . .

When someone takes a long time, they are slow. When it's me, I'm detail-oriented.When someone doesn't do something, they're lazy. When I don't do it,  I'm very busy.When the other person gets ahead in life, it's because they are lucky or getting the breaks. When I manage to get ahead, it's a reward for all of my hard work.

I'm sure that you get the point.  Most problems that we encounter with other people can be boiled down to a matter of perspective.  

If you know someone that struggle to see another person's perspective, please share this article with them.  However, the best thing that you can do is to begin implementing this shift in your own point of view.  As Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Jamy Bechler spent many years teaching student-athletes to tell their right from their left.  He now travels across the country as a John Maxwell Certified Leadership Speaker and Executive Coach.  You can reach him at CoachBechler@CoachBechler.com to find out how you or your team can be more successful.   You can also subscribe to his leadership insights & newsletter by clicking here.